we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
