don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
