brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
