it was like a zeppelin in a condom
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
