in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
