I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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