He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
