He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
