I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
