so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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