This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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