Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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