Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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