im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
