in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
