ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
