What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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