Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hippo gnu deer
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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