well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
