they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
