Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
