ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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