We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
