U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
