Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
