i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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