whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
