Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
