Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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