I'm gonna have a badass scar
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
