Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We're too hungover to prance.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
