Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wish I could teleport
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
