just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
