Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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