Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
