Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
