I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
