the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
