When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
