I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
