i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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