Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
