I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
