I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
