and you said cock pushups were impossible
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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