is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
