can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
