I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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