I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
