My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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