how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
